Before we begin--- there is something you should know about me. I have no shame. Seriously. None. I was a nurse for nearly a decade so I will talk about ANYTHING! The words "vomit", "explosive diarrhea", and "puss oozing sores" fall out of my mouth frequently.... over dinner. And I LIKE it. So you can see, butt talk is nothing to me. You may want to sit down.
Homemade Butt Stuff Balm
- 4 drops Myrrh or Helichrysum
- 3 drops Melrose
- 2 drop Frankincense
- 2 drop of Lavender or Roman Chamomile
- 1-4 TBSP Rose Ointment or KidScents Tender Tush (as needed) but in a pinch you can use coconut oil, too, but you may have to store it in the fridge to keep it solid.
If you don't have butt friendly essential oils (some lower quality ones may, um, irritate your sensitive places), then check out how to find Quality Essential Oils.
If you have good quality essential oils that you trust, then just mix the ingredients into a small glass salve container. Once it's all mixed, then just spread those cheeks, and apply a small amount of the balm mixture on the "external area" after your "business" or as desired. It may sting slightly when first applied and this should quickly resolve, but honestly, mostly it just feels awesome.
RECIPE RANGES?!!? OMGeeeee!!
You may have noticed that I have a decent range for the essential oil to ointment ratio. You may be wondering where to start?! Why is there even a range?! Well, there is a good reason: your butt is special.
Let's look at the facts. Your butt is different from my butt. In fact, no one in the entire world will ever have your backside. The truth is that it wants different things, new experiences and more or less essential oil than other behinds. That's just how bottoms work.
There is wide variation that can work to help that heinie reach it's full potential so glob just mix it together, see what happens and adjust accordingly. Trust me, your buttocks won't fall off or blow or up anything if it's not exactly right.
Alternative "Butt Stuff" Ideas
DIY Butt Stuff Wipes
If you want to make butt wipes, then check out this recipe
- 4 TBSP Alcohol-Free Witch Hazel (remember-- non-alcoholic is important unless you like fire butt. I use this brand)
- 1 tsp Carrier Oil (like aloe vera oil)
- 2 drops of liquid Vitamin E
- 1/4 tsp Vegetable Glycerin
- Butt Stuff Essential Oils-- double strength (or more per your "special" butt)
- small wide lid glass jar (like these)
- Organic Cotton Rounds
DIY Butt Stuff Spray
One of my other favorite ways to use it is to make a spray. And, yes, I totally spray my bottom, but be warned-- it takes talent. There is finesse required to spread cheeks, balance, aim and spray. It's not for the light of heart.
- Travel Size Glass Spray Bottle (I use these)
- Add Butt Stuff Essential Oils
- Fill rest with Witch Hazel (non-alcoholic is important unless you want your butt to be on fire-- I like to use this brand)
Your butt will thank you!
Also check out the Squatty Potty It's the sh*t. (hahahaha.. I love poo jokes)
*I'm not a doctor. This information is not meant to diagnose, treat or cure any health conditions. If you have any questions about your butt please see your doctor. This has not been evaluated by the FDA.